Alright, let’s paint a picture. It’s a bright sunny day and you are on your way home from work with a dozen friends. Your kids are with the nanny, so there is no rush. Your house cleaner is coming on Thursday, so there are no chores to be done. So you stop at a local pub for some food and drink. After you are stuffed it’s still light out so you all decide to head to the wellness clinic for some massages.
Alright, maybe this sounds like a dream, but this is what people do when they live overseas. Things like nannys, drivers, house cleaners, and personal masseuses are realistic and are affordable. Studies have shown that expats living abroad are happier and healthier in their new-found life. Even teachers can partake in these types of luxuries.
My friend Kyle described one night where he and his friends went out drinking after school, then went up for massages, then went back down for drinking, and then went back up for more massages. This may seem extravagant, but think of massages as a sort of preventative medicine- Like flossing or taking your vitamins. Your joints are relaxed; the pressure released; your stress will disappear.
In China massages are not only for the wealthy. They are seen as an important external medicine and are, traditionally, given to babies, elderly, and the sick.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a professional massage before (other than from a chair), but I have to admit I am excited by the idea. Maybe while I’m at it I can get some acupuncture too. Always remember: it’s not too late to drop what you’re doing in life and move with me to China (I have guest rooms)
Pods are in right now. I mean look at the iPod: You have all your music, movies, games, and pictures on one small little device. This is the way of the future, ladies and gents: one small device for all your stuff. Digital is in and actual is out, so who needs space?
Certainly not Dai Haifei, the 24-year-old Chinese architect who built a little pod-shaped house for himself. Dai was sick of high rent prices and was able to solve his problem with a little under a thousand dollars. Now he sleeps on the street corner, tucked in his away in his little pod-home. Not only is the pod low-on-rent but it also is high on efficiency. It runs entirely on solar power and is complete with a water tank and an electric lamp.
Another pod designed for big Asian populations is the capsule hotel. These frugal little rooms start at about five-bucks a night and can be a cost effective way to travel or live in Asia. Though, capsule hotels are found mostly in Japan right now (as Chinese authorities deem them a fire hazard), they are sure to spread around the globe as the world population continues to climb.
But pods aren’t limited to the financially-struggling. They are great for the business world too! Exhausted Hong Kong business persons are also now turning to pods for rest. A Hong Kong work day is long and stressful and the streets are bright and noisy at night. There is no time or place where anybody can get any shut-eye.
The solution? The Sleeping Pod. These are devices custom-designed for employees of big Chinese businesses who need to get a well deserved nap. Shopping Malls are installing them everywhere and busy employees are flocking down like sheep. Inside the pod the sounds of the city vanish and is replaced with some good old fashion Whale-songs.
With a growing world population, humans are going to have to learn to live with less space (and less stuff). Trust me, as an overseas teacher, I can’t afford to have very many things because every time I move somewhere it costs money to ship my stuff. Yet in a world of Kindles, and iPads, and digital-photo-frames people can get by with less material items and still be happy.
If some of you out there are claustrophobic: Get over it! Remember, our ancestors slept in caves and our predecessors will sleep in pods. In the overpopulated world of the future it will be the only way to get some privacy.
The sky grows dark. A whistling sound whips through the air. People shield their eyes and seek cover. This is the eleventh or twelfth time this year that the city of Beijing has been under attack. The capital of China has seen many wars in its history, but never one as harsh as this. The enemy? Sand.
Sandstorms (yes, like the ones in Star Wars and Dune) use to be very uncommon in China, but the deserts of Central Asia are growing and the future looks dim. The Gobi Desert is already the fifth largest desert in the world and each year a Delaware-sized chunk is added onto it. Every second, this desert edges closer and closer to Beijing.
Though some may think this a natural disaster, there isn’t much natural about it. The current desertification of China is attributed to the lack of precipitation which is attributed to the gargantuan amount of pollution that China is spewing out of its factories each year. There is so much pollution in China that ninety-nine percent of its population breathes air that is deemed not-safe by the European Union.
So as China’s skies grow smoggy, less rain falls, and China’s deserts grow bigger. It seems that in a decade’s time China will be as sandy as Tatooine. But wait! There is hope yet! The Chinese are not so quick to surrender. They have a war plan and that plan is called “The Great Green Wall of China”.
Yes, the Chinese are planting trees at alarming rate. The sixty-year tactic to combat the encroaching Gobi, includes an aerial-bombing of the enemy with seeds. A great forest now covers a half-million square kilometer area in northern China. It has quickly grown to be the largest artificial forest in the world!
But the battle is not over. Many of the planted trees have already perished due to disease, winter storms, and lack of water. As fast as trees are being planted, the desert is killing them off again. Many scientists think the tree planting is doing more harm than good. China is criticized for planting quantity, but not quality. Thus, the battle rages on.
So how will the war end? Will China be able to find a way to plant super-lab-grown-Ent-like-trees and save its lands? Will the desert overtake Beijing and turn its people into desert-dwellers? Will giant sandworms come out of the ground and eat all of the spice miners?
Personally, I have no predictions as to the outcome of all this sandblasting. I am going to be safe from the storms in Southern China. But I do have a battle plan of my own. I want to see Beijing, in all its glory, before it turns into the Mos Eisley Space Port (a wretched hive of scum and villainy) And if the deserts take it before I get there? Well that's OK, I've always wanted to live through a sandstorm.
The world is in an economic crisis. People are jobless, in debt, declaring bankruptcy; but that isn’t going to stop them from getting married. So in this economic crisis, why not save a few bucks and get married at McDonalds!
That’s right! It’s McWeddings! What better to way to celebrate the joining of two people than at the world’s largest fast food chain with Ronald and the gang.
Now this may sound a little low-class, but watch as your favorite McDonald’s is transformed into a classy banquet hall. The employees (acne-faced teens by day) are magically changed into waiters in black suits. They serve you a lavish meal of Big Macs and fries. There is a signature book and balloons; food and gifts for fifty guests. There is even a cake made out of stacked apple pies! Trust me, this is a bride’s dream!
Alright, you think this is crazy, but weddings are crazy! In the U.S. most people spend half or all of their yearly salary on one wedding day. In Hong Kong, weddings are an even bigger affair! There is an average of 500 guests and it will cost you 30 to 40 thousand dollars, (which is a lot of money in China). McWedding prices start at just over a thousand-dollars; A very-affordable way to spend the most important day of your life.
I know, I know, the word “tacky” is still in your head. In the States the upper and middle class look down on McDonalds. It’s seen as a low-class joint that you only eat at when you're on a road-trip. This isn’t true in Asia. McDonalds, to them, is a nice sit-down place. It’s way classier than street food or a tea house.
A young Hong-Kong couple that recently couch-surfed at my apartment talked about how their wedding was way too big: over six-hundred people. Most guests were business associates of their parents. They barely knew anyone there!
In China McWeddings are the cool thing to do right now. It’s fun! Not-so-traditional! You can hang out with your friends!
Unfortunately for you Americans, McWeddings is only available in Hong Kong branches right now. Luckily, I’m moving to Hong Kong and a McWedding sounds quite appealing. All I need to do now is convince the bride…
Also known as the hundred-year egg, the thousand year-egg, the millennium egg, or the horse-urine-egg.
When you first look at a century egg your initial question may be: “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY EGG!” That’s fair. It smells like sulfur and looks like something formed in the deepest, darkest pits of Mordor by the Dark Lord himself; But relax! It’s just been preserved.
According to legend, a farmer discovered eggs that a duck had laid in some building-mortar near his house, so he ate them. Maybe not the smartest thing to do, but hey, that’s a farmer for you. Anyway, he liked the taste and then shared the recipe with his friends.
It makes sense if you think about it. Some of the best foods were invented while trying to preserve things: Pickles, Beer, Jelly. Chinese people will eat anything and this is probably one of the tamer things on a Chinese menu.
Unlike the name suggests, century eggs are not preserved for an entire century. The Chinese usually preserve these eggs for weeks or months at a time in a mixture of clay & ash (basically mud) and salt & lime. The finish product looks like a nest from the film “Where the Wild Things Are”.
Next, you stick it on a shelf for a while and wait. Over time, the yolk will turn to dark green and the PH levels will slowly rise. The egg-white turns translucent and looks like the amber stone in Jurassic Park.
Once they are done they may look like sin, but they are apparently taste not-so-bad. The good news is that you don’t even have to cook them! You just plug your nose and down they go! Century Eggs are served at special occasions including weddings. You can also make tofu out of them… that’s fun.
So there you go. I’m putting this on my list of things to eat in China and if its good… expect Century Egg to be the first course at my wedding reception.
One of the greatest benefits of working for the company that I work for is that they have schools in dozens of countries, meaning any time I get bored of where I am living I can just transfer somewhere else. With all the things that are not-so-great about Kazakhstan, it is reassuring to know that you can simply fill out a transfer request and high-tail out of the country if the transfer is granted.
I have been in Kazakhstan for two years only and after two years I am ready to leave, but for my fiancée the road has been a bit longer. Cathy has been working in Almaty for five years and China has been on her radar for a long time.
I sit in front of her now, this girl I met only a year and a half ago. I have been to over a dozen countries with her, on many adventures. It seems odd to talk to her in a formal setting. Our intonations are totally familiar, yet we have never spoke quite like this before.
I have a bunch of loose-leaf paper ready to scribble down notes. She also is scribbling on a little yellow post-it (though what she is writing, I do not know)
Brock: You have been offered a teaching position in China many times before. Could you explain that processand tell us why you are still in Kazakhstan?
Cathy: Every year (after my second year)I considered changing schools. My second year I was just getting comfortable in the country and I was teaching eight-year olds for the first time. I wanted to try teaching the same grade twice in a row.
My third year I was close with a tight-knit group of friends (that fell apart shortly after). I didn’t want to move to a country where I didn’t know anybody.
Then, last year, I was falling in love with an awesome guy named Brock Raabe and I wanted to see how it turned out and it turned out very well. I chose people over cities. Now that I have people coming with me and I know people in China, I choose the cities first.
Choosing people over cities was a concept that was hard for me to understand last year. I had just left everyone I had ever known to move to a country where I knew no one. Then, all the sudden, this girl was making a decision to stay in Kazakhstan for me and I almost started freaking out. The freak-out didn’t last long and before I knew: this this was the girl I would spend the rest of my life with.
Though Cathy was dead-set on the 2010-2011 school year being her last year in Kazakhstan, it almost didn’t work out that way. Our employers have a few rules that can be seen as “Old Fashion” . In October, Cathy and I were in a serious relationship but not yet married. This fall, our employer told us that they would not grant us a transfer together unless we were married- and that if we wanted to transfer, they would purposely transfer us to separate countries.
Cathy was heartbroken. Her choices now included staying in Almaty a sixth year, leaving the school system and applying for a new job, or leaving me (not really an option).With deadlines looming on international job fairs and commitment contracts that needed to be signed for our employer we had little time to decide. Fortunately, I had one last secret weapon that had been hiding in our closet for the past few months: you guessed it, an engagement ring.
I asked my boss if we could transfer to China if we were “engaged” and he told me “Yes, as long as you are married by the end of the summer”. I asked him how long I had to decide and he told me “by Friday”. We were engaged by that Wednesday.
Now that we are engaged China is on the forefront of our minds, but Cathy probably has a better idea of what things will be like there than I do.
Brock: Unlike me, you have actually been to China. Describe your experience there.
Cathy: I found it intriguing to be there- things all around catching your eyes all over the place. The culture was fascinating, so much tradition. The people were friendly and helpful. They were curious about foreigners but open to them. Their sense of artistic style is also beautiful to me.
Brock: What is the biggest difference between China and the western world?
Cathy: I think it’s the expectations of how people should behave. They have more responsibility to their family and societal rules. There is a focus on the individual in the western world and a focus on family in the eastern world.
Though Cathy has been planning to move to China for years, she did not have that kind of mental preparation before moving to Kazakhstan. She was hired only two weeks before she got on a plane and moved to Almaty.
Brock: When you first moved to Kazakhstan what were your expectations and how did they change when you got here?
Cathy: (She laughs) Woefully unprepared. I had done next-to-no research. I thought Almaty was a village. I knew there were mountains and I had heard the name of the country on a documentary.
When I got here it was a real city. When you are in a totally different culture you feel totally adrift and unsettled. When I came back the second year I knew where things were. I came back the third year because I started to feel the community here.
Brock: What are the biggest things you will or won’t miss about Kazakhstan?
Cathy: I will miss friends and the routines we have. We have a pretty well established routine of fun things.
I won’t miss the traffic and driving- and I’m really excited to take a break from winter (though I might miss the change in seasons). I will not miss the dearth of vegetables in the winter.
Brock: What are the things you are most excited about in China?
Cathy: Being able to get almost any food I imagine. It’s all about food to me. Also, being able to walk outside without a jacket. There will be a newness of exploring a new place.
Brock: Any final thoughts?
Cathy: I can’t wait to move to China with you.
The interview is over. She has to get back to class. I put away my notes and sit back down at my desk. There, I find the little pack of post-it notes that she had been scribbling on. This was the message that she left behind:
The Century Egg: 
Unlike the name suggests, century eggs are not preserved for an entire century. The Chinese usually preserve these eggs for weeks or months at a time in a mixture of clay & ash (basically mud) and salt & lime. The finish product looks like a nest from the film “Where the Wild Things Are”.
