Movies
I love them. I love browsing the rental stores, strolling up and down the aisle to find the perfect one. I love downloading them and organizing them into folders on my portable hard drive. But most of all, I love cinemas.
The taste of salty popcorn on my tongue, the satisfaction of sneaking in candy and soda, waiting in line for a midnight showing of a film I have anticipated for years. I love Imax, I love 3D and I love the big screen. So what is it like to live in Almaty, Kazakhstan, where all the films are dubbed to Russian and there are no English cinemas in a thousand mile radius? It sucks. It sucks hard.
I have developed ways to cope with this, of course. Every time I’m on vacation, (whether in India, Dubai, or Thailand) I locate the nearest cinema, slap on my 3D glasses and listen to the sweet sound of English. I've even become very good at ignoring the subtitles. But this still isn't enough for me. So I invented another method.
Last year I wanted so bad to see Avatar, but couldn’t. It was playing in 3D just a ten minutes walk from my apartment, but I didn’t know Russian. It seemed that I would have to watch a horrible cam copy online or wait until the DVD. Then, it struck me. If I could take the illegally downloaded version and convert it to an audio file… I could put it on my iPod. And if I managed to time the audio just right… yes… genius… pure genius.
So I watched Avatar. I had to adjust the audio several times throughout the film, but it worked. And when the giant alien arrows started flying toward my head, I thanked my lucky yurts that I was still in a 3D-Cinema society. Yet, I am still not quite satisfied with my iPod method. I am still kind of miffed that the popcorn here is sweet, instead of salty.
Enter China
Remember when it was a couple bucks to see a movie? Even a good one? A big bowl of popcorn was a dollar and another couple bucks would get you a big-ass soda. In some big cities, tickets alone are up to $20 and if you want the popcorn and soda (or god-forbid you have children) you could be looking at putting a Grant or a Franklin down at the ticket booth. And for what? A small, uncomfortable seat among a couple hundred noisy patrons?
Behold the Chinese way to view a movie. A country where going to a movie is still a big to-do. Go ahead and put on your favourite suit, (yes that’s right, “favorite” with the British “u”)
For twenty bucks each, you and some of your closest friends can enjoy a private-screen room. Lay back in your big leather seats. Want a bottomless drink? Endless popcorn? A couple hot dogs? It’s on the house! Still want to indulge yourself? Wine and Beer are included on the menu. Order some Pizza or some Chicken Wings. This is Hong Kong, where they take American culture and make it better- cheaper.
Now, all that’s left to do is plan the next few movie-going years of my life. So here it is:
Nov 23rd 2011
The Muppets
Dec 16th 2011
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
Dec 23rd 2011
The Adventures of Tintin: Secret of the Unicorn
June 15th 2012
Brave (Pixar)
June 29th 2012
Star Trek 2
July 3rd 2012
Spider-Man
July 20th 2012
The Dark Knight Rises
Nov 9th 2012
Bond 23
Dec 2012
The Hobbit
Part I
May 2013
The Dark Tower
Dec 2013
The Hobbit
Part II
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