Friday, January 28, 2011

Things I am going to love about China: 7 of 100

Bears.

We want to love them, cuddle them, and squeeze them. We want to make cartoons about how they love to eat honey and bumble happily through the wood. We give them to our children -filled with fluff and stuff- and say, "here cuddle this, it will keep you safe" But behind all the cuteness, most people forget that BEARS WILL EAT YOU!

No species more perfectly emulates this paradox like the Giant Panda. The mammal sits on its butt and eats its chutes and leaves. But people forget that even though 99% of a Giant Panda's diet is bamboo they are still belong to the order of Carnivora. Oh yes, Panda's will eat you.

Oh yes- we humans can even make the most ferocious beasts of the world out of be cute. But that's not the most atrocious thing we've done to this proud species (and, no, I'm not referring to the "Jack Black" movie or its sequel) Over the past hundred years we have poached these wild bears and destroyed their habitat reducing their population to a mere thousand.

Oh, We have tried to amend for our terrible atrocities. Over the past few years we have even tried to repopulate the bears with the use of Bear Porn and Viagra (See links below). But though we succeed in artificially inseminating the panda's, we have never been able to give these black-and-white monster's their pride back.

So, while in China -though I fully to intend to visit the Giant Panda in the little cages that we have put them in- if I ever encounter one in the wild I will look on with full knowledge that if I get too close (like Grizzly Man before me) it will, undoubtedly try and make me its lunch.

Panda Diet = 99% Bamboo. 1% Human-Flesh




(http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/2246588.stm) Bear Viagra
(http://edition.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/01/25/panda.passion/index.html) Bear Porn

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